Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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