My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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