I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this will be a night to untag.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
