Nicole vs. Life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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