I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
