i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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