Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
