dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
