My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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