K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
