I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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