I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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