come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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