I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
