I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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