you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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