I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
