he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
