I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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