I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
