Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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