Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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