Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
