I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
