I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i think i just lost a toe
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
