Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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