I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
