is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
