The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
