I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
