So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
