She is in my trunk
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
