come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
