3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
