Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
