i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
