So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
