I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
