I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
