I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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