So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
