OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
