my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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