I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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