New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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