I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
