Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Your dad touched me again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
