dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
