When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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