I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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