Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
