Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
