The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
